I (29F) have been single for almost two years. I have sporadically decided to be a part of NYC dating and hookup culture. I am not being hyperbolic when I saw more than half of the men I’ve slept with in this city over the past two years have choked me, spanked me, pulled my hair, or SPIT IN MY MOUTH without my consent the first time we had sex. I can name at least 5 times this has happened.
I have met these guys on apps, from my social circles and at bars. They’ve been in their late 20s-early 40s and have worked in all sorts of industries with all sorts of backgrounds. I am not in any kink scenes at all. I’m not opposed to doing some of these things but they involve trust and consent, not some random guy just springing it on you. I just don’t understand how so many grown adult men think that because I consented to sleeping with them, I also consented to being asphyxiated. and like? and why is it that the first time theyre in bed with a woman, theyre like: let me do something violent to her!!! without asking!! like how do they not get that having someone randomly put their hands around your neck is terrifying??
In a perfect world, I would be much sluttier but I keep encountering porn brained men. I’ve been abstinent for 6 months cause I’m tired of having sexual experiences abruptly end with me having to give a lecture about consent. my question is, have other women been experiencing this? or am I just really unlucky with men?
UPDATE: I do understand everyone encouraging me to make these boundaries clear before having sex, but damn thats bleak. Like I have to sit a guy down and have a conversation about not physically assaulting me without my consent. I feel like that should be common sense.
also anyone blaming me because of my social circles or for being promiscuous can kick rocks
submitted by /u/altaralter
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